6/29/13, Saturday, June 29: The Big Mountain Drive Day! What a glorious day! No sleep last night for some reason, but I tanked up on coffee and Mountain Dew, and then I drove slowly through Rocky Mountain National Park (RMNP), savoring the scenery and rejoicing in the excellence of mountains, in spite of a thunderstorm that dropped lots of hail on those of us at higher elevations. I accidentally made the loop between paved roads out of Estes Park and then set out, retracing part of my steps, to follow Trail Ridge Road (Highway 34) through the park to Grand Lake. The road is primarily an east-west route,  topping out at a viewpoint at 12,183 feet (3713 meters) of alpine tundra, bare rock, and snow-painted peaks. I took a photo there of a couple, and they reciprocated by snapping one of me with my camera. Not far beyond, the road turns principally south, crossing the Continental Divide. There was plenty of hail strewn on the ground as if it had snowed a bit.

   There were a number of places along the road where people had stopped (though not in a designated pull-over-and-park area, naughty, naughty) to watch bighorn sheep, elk, moose, lightning, etc. This is verboten in RMNP, and rangers and volunteers materialized quickly at any such spot to organize the swift departure of the erring but enthusiastic tourists.

   I stopped early on to enjoy a large alpine meadow on the east side, where I also photographed a group from Nebraska who've been to RMNP many times, the lucky dogs. The scenery reminded me so much of Tioga Road through Yosemite, I almost wept. I had some dark, self-pitying thoughts about the loss of my backpacking abilities, but I pulled myself back on track by pointing out to myself that I must focus on what I CAN do, not what I can't do, and who knows where the limit really lies until I try it? So I'll try it. The season isn't over yet.

   I kept going in spite of the storm, because this was my one day to see the park. I confess I was pretty scared at times, especially on a high, wet road with a sheer drop on one side, no shoulder on the other, and hail coming down so hard it was bouncing high off Maybelline's hood and collecting a couple of inches deep at the bottom of her windshield.

   At the high point, I felt a bit dizzy, so it was a relief when the dizziness quickly passed. I drove down out of the storm, through the park exit (rats!), and into Grand Lake, where I'd reserved an RV site at Elk Creek Park. Alas, there was someone already in that viewless site, and they looked pretty well established. The management assigned me another viewless site -- where someone had parked an extra car and then gone off and left it. I tried to be calm and cheery about it and wandered down the road to get a late lunch at Sloopy's while management figured out what to do. When I came back, they had assigned me yet another site, much better than the previous two: the new site has great views east of "Old Baldy," back into the park.

   (Being cheerful, agreeable, and patient really pays off. I have learned that I can only control my temper if I never let it off the leash in the first place. It took me almost all my life to learn to do this, and boy, it's hard some times! It's all I can do to fight back against the boiling rage that would so easily consume me and the situation and lead to one of the disasters I've precipitated all my life until just recently. I wonder if being nice will ever be easy, come naturally? I always thought I was an anger addict until I realized that, with chemical help, it's a matter of choosing which habit to cultivate: throwing a fit, or smiling calmly and letting the situation resolve itself. Smiling calmly pays. Thank you, Zoloft and Lexapro.

   (I haven't changed. I've just found a way, even if it's a hard one for now, to make what I am work better for me.)